I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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