The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
