I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
