is your mom at the bar?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
