if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize