So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
