Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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