# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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