Do vagina's smell?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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