the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
