Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
