im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
