what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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