I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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