I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
