wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
