She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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