What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
