OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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