There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
