Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize