He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
