"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
