you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
