my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
