so that wasnt chicken after all
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
