I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
