Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hippo gnu deer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
