hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
