thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if only i could text you this smell
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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