Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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