Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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