Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
