I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize