I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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