you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
