Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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