Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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