he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this hospital has no fireball
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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