I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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