he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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