Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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