if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
