4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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