even my farts smell like vagina
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
