Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
