evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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