What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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