I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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