Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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