hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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