i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
People in love make me want to vomit
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
