At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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