Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
