Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
