is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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