Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize