You can't special order awesome
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
