I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
