3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my shit smells like andre
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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