he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
