well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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