hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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