Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
