remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Be still, my beating vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
