i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
