I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
