new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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