Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
