Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love having hate sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
