WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize