He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
