That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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