So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize