when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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