I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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