the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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