Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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