having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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