now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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