But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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