Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
