whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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