I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
