I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize