dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
