First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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