the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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