There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
