Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
