the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
