Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
