All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize