Girls should come with a carfax report
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
