yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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