A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
farters have to be the big spoon...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
