How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
