i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
