Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
