i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
