Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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