I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
